One for the Money: Silky Pasta

Bonjourno, y'all!

I've never had a taste for Italian food. Whenever its served, my countenance sours.
Oh. You got lasagna? Perhaps I could eat some old leftovers from your fridge?
What did you have yesterday? Meatloaf?

Isn't Italian food just a delivery system for butter & cheese?
...
What?

"No!", you say? "What about the vino", you wonder? "Polenta is basically grits", you'd remind me? "Surely you eat arrosticini fairly regularly?" you'd marvel?

Well, Grand Inquisitor, riddle me this.
It'd stump even Bilbo Baggins himself, I wager.

How do you explain the Olive Garden???

I'm holding Italy responsible for the OG.

Oh, you can't? That's what I thought.

Folks, I know Olive Garden is not the only eatery proffering Italian-American fare.
I am aware of the possibility that Olive Garden is not authentic Italian food.

I don't care. (I still don't want to eat Italian-style food okay.)

But there is one thing that really gets me jazzed about eating (anything) & that one thing is FREEBIES.

Man oh man do I like free shit.

One of the many personality traits I share with Oprah.

So when one of my brother's friends was moving out of his apartment, and inexplicably throwing his pantry out, I scored some egg noodles.

They had an Italian flag printed right on the box. "Made in Italy," they taunted me.
Those noodles sat in my pantry forever. Well past the recommended use by date.

Finally I used some of them last night.
I'll be dratted if I didn't enjoy those egg noodles down to the last bite.

I even ate an extra noodle I found while cleaning out my colander later that evening.

Silky Pasta and TomMushroom Sauce, portioned to be enjoyed while hoin' (or broin') out alone

Ingredients:::

56g Egg Noodles (This is around 1/4 a box of the noodles I used, you're basically just gonna want to measure out a suggested serving size from what you've got. I suggest that you use the same brand of pasta as I did, because it is positively piquant)
1/2 cup tomato sauce (I used Kroger brand marinara for this recipe regrettably, but I would recommend using something a little better quality as this is a main flavor. Store brand sauces tend to use sugar to mask the flavor of lesser quality tomatoes.. a good budget alternative is Classico, a good expensive alternative is Rao's)
3 tablespoons fat free cream cheese
3 oz sliced baby bella mushrooms
1/3 vidalia onion
1 tsp minced garlic
1/4 cup of freshly chopped parsley
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
dash of parmesan cheese
splash of red wine
2-3 tsp salt
nonstick cooking spray

Bring to boil a pot of lightly salted water over medium-high heat to cook your egg noodles in.

I went ahead and turned my burner all the way up folks.

(Just right up as high as it could go.)

Can you guess what happened???

The pot boiled over.

It had metal handles.

Hands were burned.

You are an idiot.

Meanwhile, you can spray a small skillet with nonstick cooking spray and add your minced garlic and red pepper flakes. Put your stovetop on medium heat, and chop your vidalia onion into small pieces.

C a s t the diced onions into the skillet, along with your baby bella mushrooms.

Be sure and keep an eye on that garlic and pepper & mind that it hasn't started singin'.

Getting singed, not singing.

At this point, your salted water ought to be a-roilin' and you can add your egg noodles to it.

The ones I use cook very quickly, only 2-3 minutes.

So keep the eyeball on the back of your head good & vigilant,

and pull the noodles off when they're done.

(Trust me gang, watched pots can still boileth over.)

Splash some of the cabernet sauvignon you're sipping into the saute skillet, and let your veggies cook down. Once the onions are translucent and the baby bella mushrooms are looking how you want them to, go ahead and pour in your tomato sauce. Let it aaaaall coalesce together. (Stir it.)

Now then.

Reduce your heat down to medium-low.

Add your cream cheese.

Let it melt into the sauce, help it along with your spatula if you please.

& finally, chop some fresh parsely and stir it in too.