Roasted Olives & Okra

Greetings, y'all!

I'm extraordinarily enthusiastic about holidays. (Usually.)
Even dumb ones!
I built hats in the shape of a 100 for the centenary day of elementary school. (Every single year.)
.....

Something about celebrating the arbitrary really gets me e n l i v e n e d.

But this year was different.

For Independence Day, I watched The Last of the Mohicans.

Or tried to.

And don't even get me started on International Kissing Day.
Spoiler alert: I didn't make any tongue sushi.

I'm not alone though.

Even my s u c c e s s f u l roommate has trouble sometimes!

Once a girl told him she wasn't looking for a relationship.

Only she forgot to erase a New Year's Resolution written on her mirror....

2012: Acquire Relationship

Another friend had better luck! At first anyway...

She made it all the way through the first date to second base.
& things were heating up!

But then the gentleman apologized:

"Pardon my arousal." 

So, that was that. They went to sleep!

Disappointment sucks, so imagine how ecstatic I was when my experiment in cooking worked out.

I made a really swell dish y'all.

Roasted olives & okra are a little salty, a little umami, and totally toothsome.

Another dish you can enjoy hot or cold, and they would be great as toothpick trio skewers if you're into appetizers.

I Need a Gauze Patch, Yo!

Hey, y'all!

I finally got back to work this month. (Hooray!)

My job requires no mental aptitude. Not one lick!

Can you guess what it is???

The job title is a real panty dropper at clubs.

Driving in circles for hours each day gives me a lot of time for thoughts.

I think about food, or anecdotes.

Sometimes I even think about important thoughts! 

Like how to end class warfare and which movies have the most Ellen Page.

But most of the time I f a n t a s i z e about kicking ass.

I foil terrorist plots waged against the transit system.

Snatch damsels in distress from the jaws of certain death. Mansels too!

.......

I might have a teeny tiny little hero complex.

You can't tell , though. I'm very timid in person.

The most dangerous thing I did all week was cut vegetables.

She's sustained a serious finger boo-boo, doc.

For my made-from scratch gazpacho soup. It was spicy & chilled & perfect.

Served for lunch with a chicken salad sandwich on a toasted onion bun.

Garnished with chopped green onions.

Chef's Salad

It sure is heating up, y'all.

Have you heard? I'll bet you have if you use your facebook account.

The high was 107 degrees today. 

I was not about to turn on my oven.

&I sure as shit was not going to get fast food.

I have c o m p e l l i n g reasons to avoid fast food joints.

It's not that I don't like fast food. Actually I love it!

It has:

-Unlimited diet coke. 

-Sauce packets galore.

-People to judge.

-Pro-sweatpants atmosphere.
-Even gambling!

Skinny bitches love a free McFlurry.

So can you guess why I don't go to fast food???

It's not because of the nutrition,
or the sanitation, 

or because I'm some kind of hip locavore.

I can't believe you even guessed that.

It aaaaaall stems from a traumatizing experience at a KFC one day, not too long ago......

After refilling my diet coke back to the tippy top, 

I began the return to my booth (do you take up a booth for four when you dine alone?? I do.)

but something interrupted my progress. A child.

A child who had fallen smack on his little child face.

I did not move to his aid. Child blood is tough to get out.

His mother was unhappy with my decision. 

In order to combat her shrill accusations of callousness I told her the following sentence:

"I, uh, I'm not supposed to interact with children because, well... you know. The law."

I implied that I was a convicted sex offender.

To an entire KFC.

So the mother wouldn't think I was a jerk.

Anyway, so, that's why I made a massive chef's salad today.

Because I'm too socially awkward for the colonel.

Always Reddy Stew

Recovering nicely, y'all?

Ugh.
I got a little roughed up this weekend. At  A t h f e s t.

The heat was not favorable. 

& the depressants in my bloodstream didn't help my energy level.

But don't worry y'all, 

Reptar pepped me right back up.

[thanks Blane]

That crowd was wild. 
My life was on the line Friday night, folks.
The gentleman behind me was raging hard trying to mosh. 
(It involved  punching people mostly.)
& I nearly got crushed by rogue crowd surfers!

I needed some protection. 
In the form of dance.

I planted my feet and pretended to run in place. For protection.
Arms swining madly, I bore a striking resemblance to a drunk Richard Simmons.

The dance kept me safe, but I finished out the night exhausted. And so did my wallet.

Uninterested in cooking, 

and unable to go shopping with my meager bank account, 

I set to work inventively using up the things from my pantry.

Baked pumpkin pie oatmeal topped with peanut butter & cold-brewed coffee.

The Lost City of Atlanta

How are things with y'all?

Remember my weekend spent in A t l a n t a visiting my parents? It was only yesterday.

A shining example for city planners everywhere.

By the time my two days were up, I felt like a real expert on A t l a n t a.
Thanks to the internet and my two days, I knew everything. 
I strutted around Piedmont Park, eyeing down groups of hipper-than-thou 20-somethings with gusto.
I made restaurant recommendations. 

I even gave a guy directions!

Just keep looking for Peachtree Street.

Folks, I was lost when I gave those directions. 

I sent a man and his child on a complete goose chase. 

I'm not sure why.

My overconfidence in my street smarts, aided by my overconfidence in my smartphone, leads to me getting lost a lot.

I come home, completely famished after wandering for hours.

In need of something quick.

I MacGyvered myself up a quick & relatively healthy pizza sandwich with deviled eggs.

Berenjena el Almuerzo

Having a nice week, y'all?

I certainly am.
I went s a l s a  d a n c i n g last night. 
It was Cuban style.

"Woohoo!" I thought to myself.

"This will be fun. Easy!"

"Why, it' s only fancy walking!"

Not quite.

I was terrible. More terrible than anyone else there.

More terrible than my stiff, birdlike roommate Paul.

A girl actually asked him to dance with her!

Just when I thought I was finally getting the hang of it, the instructor would stare meaningfully at me and cheerily remind "everyone" that no one was perfect!

It just took time!

You're supposed to be turning right!

Other right!

Folks, I can't dance.
But I can make sandwiches!

I enjoyed this satiating eggplant sandwich to replenish all the energy I lost fumbling around the dance floor.

I also enjoyed an extra whiskey after exhausting my drink ticket.

P-Cheese Sandwich

It's lunchtime again, y'all.

Or do you call it dinnertime? My relatives in Mississippi would call it that, but they wouldn't touch the lunch I made for myself.

No, sirree.

Whole wheat bread? Yuck.

But I ate it all up, and it was delicious.


.....

So what did I make????

A pimiento cheese sandwich with leftover lentil salad graced my plate this afternoon. I made the sandwich on whole wheat bread. 

(You aren't supposed to do that.)

(But I'm a rule breaker folks.)

Me & this dog are two rebellious peas in a pod.

Admittedly, the sandwich MIGHT have been tastier on honey wheat bread (Newman's own, my Daddy Bob's favorite by the way) or some wonderbread probably.

But y'all. That pimiento cheese sandwich was good. The cheese spread was good. Good enough to eat on 100% whole wheat bread. 

(With seeds in it and everything.)

Do you want to see?

Lazy Late Lunch

It's early evening, y'all.

I lazed around all day, and now it's nearly 5 pm and I haven't gotten lunch in yet. See how filling oats can be?

They really keep you full.

Especially when you don't expend any energy.

Well, I fixed something real rustic and summery for myself this evening. It'll go good with this wine my friend dropped off. She's been in Spain, and was nice enough to bring me back a bottle of red wine. It's called Berberana Cosecha Red.

I think I'll like it with my lentil salad.

I got the recipe from budget bytes, and didn't change the littlest thing. I might substitute something for the parsley next time, I think I'd prefer cilantro or something.

What do you think?

Anyhow, I had worked up an appetite puppysitting and relaxing all day so I rounded out my lunch-that-became-a-supper with some spiral ham and a stuffed eggplant.

Summer creeped up on me & it brought along some produce. Everybody, I love eggplants.

CAUTION

Aubergines you might call them if you live abroad?

I'm not a meat fanatic, but I admit I enjoy a honey glazed spiral ham. It's leftover from my step sister's graduation party, my vegan parents didn't want it.

How am I going to eat it all???????!

I don't know, but I started tonight.