Leave No Scone Unturned

Have a good weekend, y'all?

Mine was pretty fun.

I went k a y a k i n g with my mom! Or I would have.

We arrived at the river (mini wine bottles in tow) 

and were promptly assessed by the check-in girl...

You out of shape bitches are not about to kayak down this river.

The water was too low for kayaking!!!!! 

For the more "inexperienced" looking guests, anyway.

Oh, well.

At least I got to see my mom!

We have fun, but I don't always e n j o y her brand of humor...

Often, it involves setting a plastic cockroach next to her drink at a restaurant,

waiting for the waitstaff to notice (and freak out),

then grinning from ear to ear.

Pleased as punch.

To save myself any extra exasperation, I fixed up some Oatmeal Peach Scones for breakfast.

They make life so easy!
Because of their shape (flat), they can be frozen and quickly prepared for breakfast in your toaster.

Always Reddy Stew

Recovering nicely, y'all?

Ugh.
I got a little roughed up this weekend. At  A t h f e s t.

The heat was not favorable. 

& the depressants in my bloodstream didn't help my energy level.

But don't worry y'all, 

Reptar pepped me right back up.

[thanks Blane]

That crowd was wild. 
My life was on the line Friday night, folks.
The gentleman behind me was raging hard trying to mosh. 
(It involved  punching people mostly.)
& I nearly got crushed by rogue crowd surfers!

I needed some protection. 
In the form of dance.

I planted my feet and pretended to run in place. For protection.
Arms swining madly, I bore a striking resemblance to a drunk Richard Simmons.

The dance kept me safe, but I finished out the night exhausted. And so did my wallet.

Uninterested in cooking, 

and unable to go shopping with my meager bank account, 

I set to work inventively using up the things from my pantry.

Baked pumpkin pie oatmeal topped with peanut butter & cold-brewed coffee.

Fadulous Orange Oatmeal, Ossified

Beating the heat, y'all?

I've always been a sucker for f a d s. 

I lovingly cultivated a home for my lifeless pet rock.

Suffered scorn for my blinding orange crocs. 

(Until my mom, fearing they'd be caught in an escalator and I'd be maimed, banned crocs.)

I had a rainbow fanny pack emblazoned with my name!! 

An improvement over the goth phase.

Yes, my addiction to  f a d s  has deep roots y'all.

Aaaaall the way back to 1990. The year they closed the leaning tower of Pisa.

I'm not ashamed!

Food  f a d s  are alright, don't you think??

See also: cupcakes.

I noticed baked oatmeal popping up a while ago.

I was sold immediately. 
I was sold before I tried them. I became fiendishly addicted after I tried them.

Breakfast of the Year, All Years.

Extremely simple to make & customize, baked oatmeal  is just... awesome. It's like eating cake for breakfast, except good for you! 

Scoop some out every morning, top with nuts, drown it in milk, spread nut butter on it, or eat it warm, or cold, or with honey on top, and you're guaranteed to have a bangin' day.

Spicy & Sweet Potato Hash

Happy Father's Day, y'all!

Father's day is a tough time of year for me. Expectations are high when you've got two fathers.

Mine have everything. Two of everything. 

They forget about gift cards until they expire.

 Only eat v e g a n  f o o d.

Hmmmm. 

A real brain tickler, folks.

Perhaps I should skip the gifts this year? Perhaps just a visit. 

I could help them unpack from their recent move! We'd relax by the pool! Grill portobello burgers! 

It was a genius idea. Perfect!
So perfect, in fact, that all my siblings came up with the same plan. 

My dads live in a two-room condo in Midtown. With no furniture. 

What were you thinking young lady.

After a Saturday night in an unpacked and unfurnished condo with five other people, I longed for breakfast that did not need to be microwaved & eaten out of tupperware: Spicy & Sweet Potato Hash. 

Sriracha & honey make this hash taste much better than my poor photography skills can ever portray.

I Can Hear the Mermaids Singing, Peach to Peach

Sleep alright, y'all?

I was not treated to a peaceful repose last night myself.

This is not why.

No. 

Convincing people into my rock hard, way-too-small 20 year old half of a bunk bed does not happen with alarming frequency. Obviously my bed is the only thing standing between me and a sex life.

Bunk beds may seem awesome, folks. 

(You can build hotwheel tracks off the top! Or drape blankets for a fort!)

But there is  an unavoidable reality  when it  comes to adults sleeping in bunk beds.

& it is stark.

Awesome bunk beds: a great way to appear as if you want to lure children into your home!

I needed something refreshing after a night in my horrible infirm (pun intended--old&hard???) half a bunk bed.

I needed a peach smoothie to brighten up my day.

And some peanut butter toast.

I love how the peach skin looks in the smoothie.

Ugly Waffles

The rooster's crowing, y'all.

That doesn't always mean it's morning. This rooster is vigilant. Alert.

(Loud)

All day long.

Wake the fuck up.

But today it is morning. Ahhh. 

Refreshing. 

Another Georgia summer morning of relaxation, courtesy of the UGA Board of Regents.

They laid me off. Those bastards.

What are we gonna do with all this free time??

Make a time-consuming breakfast,  o f  c o u r s e.

And what could be more comforting on a still-rainy day than ugly waffles? Mmmm. One of my favorites.

One of my favorite healthy breakfasts, anyway.

I call them ugly waffles because they're sort of ugly. They're floppy. Spongey. Beige.

Moist.

They come out in a big pile, and I love them! It's because of the oat flour, folks. It soaks up liquid like you would not believe, especially if you don't cut it with other types of flour.

Which I don't, really. (well, maybe a little other flour)

Eggy and buttery, despite the omission of both yolks and butter, ugly waffles are always a fun way to start the week!

One Potato, Sweet Potato!

TGIF, y'all.

Just kidding. I don't care what day of the week it is, it's summer! Winter is finally gone, and I can drink on weeknights. 

Weeknights! And when I order mojitos I no longer hear the dreaded

"oh honey it's WINTER, we don't have MINT on hand!"

(Bartenders haven't heard about the marvels of modern agriculture technology yet.) 

What do you order when it becomes summer? Mai tai? 
Piña colada? Mint Julep?
Daiquiri? Tequila sunrise? Margarita?

...................

is it a mudslide?

Not that kind.

Well, I ordered a mojito last night and woke up craving citrus. A big, juicy navel orange tastes sooOOoooO good in the morning when you're thirsty. Or hungry. 

(or neither)

Yes, folks, I peeled a big ole orange and set it alongside my baked sweet potato topped with granola and yogurt and had myself another carbtastic breakfast of champions.

Peaches 'n' Cream

Good morning y'all.

It's pretty here in Georgia today. Is it pretty where you are?

Well.

If not, your plate could be at least a little pretty. I suspect anyhow. This morning I tried something new: peaches.

New to me because, despite being a Georgia girl, I've never tried them.

They're fuzzy. My relatives have peach allergies. I already like bananas for breakfast.

Why add a new fruit???

The peach fuzz/balls joke potential alone should have swayed me.

I'm sure glad I tried peaches this morning.

Peaches with granola. Granola I made on my own. And yogurt, and a fat slice of my favorite bread (toasted and buttered, naturally).