Black Bean Burgers

It's been a busy month, y'all!

I turned 22!

Got myself a dog!

Hello, Ellis.

And moved to P e t e r  S t r e e t.

It's a pretty magical situation over here on  P e t e r  S t r e e t .

A strident song of obstreperous sound fills the night!
It's a mentally ill rapper and sirens, mostly.

And porch sitting is still a thing!

 Judgmental old women hollering at me not to bother their cats, mostly.

Well. 

I broke my new kitchen in good, folks.

I made.....

Meatloafs, succotash, curries,

and vegan fudge on baked oatmeal,

spicy Indian squash, carrot slaw, and muffins,

tuna casserole, even!

But what do I post first??!?

Black bean burgers served on homemade whole wheat toast.

Roasted Olives & Okra

Greetings, y'all!

I'm extraordinarily enthusiastic about holidays. (Usually.)
Even dumb ones!
I built hats in the shape of a 100 for the centenary day of elementary school. (Every single year.)
.....

Something about celebrating the arbitrary really gets me e n l i v e n e d.

But this year was different.

For Independence Day, I watched The Last of the Mohicans.

Or tried to.

And don't even get me started on International Kissing Day.
Spoiler alert: I didn't make any tongue sushi.

I'm not alone though.

Even my s u c c e s s f u l roommate has trouble sometimes!

Once a girl told him she wasn't looking for a relationship.

Only she forgot to erase a New Year's Resolution written on her mirror....

2012: Acquire Relationship

Another friend had better luck! At first anyway...

She made it all the way through the first date to second base.
& things were heating up!

But then the gentleman apologized:

"Pardon my arousal." 

So, that was that. They went to sleep!

Disappointment sucks, so imagine how ecstatic I was when my experiment in cooking worked out.

I made a really swell dish y'all.

Roasted olives & okra are a little salty, a little umami, and totally toothsome.

Another dish you can enjoy hot or cold, and they would be great as toothpick trio skewers if you're into appetizers.

Chef's Salad

It sure is heating up, y'all.

Have you heard? I'll bet you have if you use your facebook account.

The high was 107 degrees today. 

I was not about to turn on my oven.

&I sure as shit was not going to get fast food.

I have c o m p e l l i n g reasons to avoid fast food joints.

It's not that I don't like fast food. Actually I love it!

It has:

-Unlimited diet coke. 

-Sauce packets galore.

-People to judge.

-Pro-sweatpants atmosphere.
-Even gambling!

Skinny bitches love a free McFlurry.

So can you guess why I don't go to fast food???

It's not because of the nutrition,
or the sanitation, 

or because I'm some kind of hip locavore.

I can't believe you even guessed that.

It aaaaaall stems from a traumatizing experience at a KFC one day, not too long ago......

After refilling my diet coke back to the tippy top, 

I began the return to my booth (do you take up a booth for four when you dine alone?? I do.)

but something interrupted my progress. A child.

A child who had fallen smack on his little child face.

I did not move to his aid. Child blood is tough to get out.

His mother was unhappy with my decision. 

In order to combat her shrill accusations of callousness I told her the following sentence:

"I, uh, I'm not supposed to interact with children because, well... you know. The law."

I implied that I was a convicted sex offender.

To an entire KFC.

So the mother wouldn't think I was a jerk.

Anyway, so, that's why I made a massive chef's salad today.

Because I'm too socially awkward for the colonel.

Always Reddy Stew

Recovering nicely, y'all?

Ugh.
I got a little roughed up this weekend. At  A t h f e s t.

The heat was not favorable. 

& the depressants in my bloodstream didn't help my energy level.

But don't worry y'all, 

Reptar pepped me right back up.

[thanks Blane]

That crowd was wild. 
My life was on the line Friday night, folks.
The gentleman behind me was raging hard trying to mosh. 
(It involved  punching people mostly.)
& I nearly got crushed by rogue crowd surfers!

I needed some protection. 
In the form of dance.

I planted my feet and pretended to run in place. For protection.
Arms swining madly, I bore a striking resemblance to a drunk Richard Simmons.

The dance kept me safe, but I finished out the night exhausted. And so did my wallet.

Uninterested in cooking, 

and unable to go shopping with my meager bank account, 

I set to work inventively using up the things from my pantry.

Baked pumpkin pie oatmeal topped with peanut butter & cold-brewed coffee.

Not Really Bruschetta

Good evening, y'all.

Are you going to A t h f e s t tonight?? 

Everyone will be there. I'll be there!

And aaaaall the townies,

 dressed to the nines in 

   homeless-chic.

Do you know how expensive it is to look this poor?

Ah,  A t h f e s t . The biggest party this town has to offer.

.....................................................Well.

Have you memorized your lines yet???

You gotta have something to say, baby.

All the hipsters are gonna wanna know what you thought of that new Reptar album. 

&isn't Atlas Sound just, like, so alluring and distinct these days?? M e l a n c h o l i c . . ..

I haven't settled on what to say.

Perhaps, "It was o k a y, but...

they missed their chance to do something surprising."

But I do know one thing for sure:

I'm sooo making breaded eggplant "bruschetta" again.

(Topped with garlic lemon "aioli".)

Silky Pasta

Bonjourno, y'all!

I've never had a taste for Italian food. Whenever its served, my countenance sours.
Oh. You got lasagna? Perhaps I could eat some old leftovers from your fridge? 
What did you have yesterday? Meatloaf?


Isn't Italian food just a delivery system for butter & cheese? 
...
What?

"No!", you say? "What about the vino", you wonder? "Polenta is basically grits", you'd remind me? "Surely you eat arrosticini fairly regularly?" you'd marvel?

Well, Grand Inquisitor, riddle me this.
It'd stump even Bilbo Baggins himself, I wager.

How do you explain the Olive Garden???

Oh, you can't? That's what I thought.

Folks, I know Olive Garden is not the only eatery proffering Italian-American fare. 
I am aware of the possibility that Olive Garden is not authentic Italian food.

I don't care. (I still don't want to eat Italian-style food okay.)

But there is one thing that really gets me jazzed about eating (anything) & that one thing is FREEBIES.

Man oh man do I like free shit.

One of the many personality traits I share with Oprah.

So when one of my brother's friends was moving out of his apartment, and inexplicably throwing his pantry out, I scored some egg noodles.

They had an Italian flag printed right on the box. "Made in Italy," they taunted me. 
Those noodles sat in my pantry forever. Well past the recommended use by date. 

Finally I used some of them last night.
I'll be dratted if I didn't enjoy those egg noodles down to the last bite.

I even ate an extra noodle I found while cleaning out my colander later that evening.

Leftover Sortie

 Keeping dry, y'all?

I didn't have a lick of trouble. Do you know why?

It's not because I've purchased rain gear stalwart enough to withstand monsoon season.

No, folks. 
It's because rain all day means it's my favorite time of day all day long:

SWEATPANTS O'CLOCK!!

No amount of height on your heels will make those sweatpants fancy.

So, did you waste your sweatpants time this Sunday by wearing clothes?

I  didn't.

I had a good ole time staying in my house today.

I made tea.

I read a book. It may have been of the comic variety.

I went about using up all my left-overs. 

Lazy Late Lunch

It's early evening, y'all.

I lazed around all day, and now it's nearly 5 pm and I haven't gotten lunch in yet. See how filling oats can be?

They really keep you full.

Especially when you don't expend any energy.

Well, I fixed something real rustic and summery for myself this evening. It'll go good with this wine my friend dropped off. She's been in Spain, and was nice enough to bring me back a bottle of red wine. It's called Berberana Cosecha Red.

I think I'll like it with my lentil salad.

I got the recipe from budget bytes, and didn't change the littlest thing. I might substitute something for the parsley next time, I think I'd prefer cilantro or something.

What do you think?

Anyhow, I had worked up an appetite puppysitting and relaxing all day so I rounded out my lunch-that-became-a-supper with some spiral ham and a stuffed eggplant.

Summer creeped up on me & it brought along some produce. Everybody, I love eggplants.

CAUTION

Aubergines you might call them if you live abroad?

I'm not a meat fanatic, but I admit I enjoy a honey glazed spiral ham. It's leftover from my step sister's graduation party, my vegan parents didn't want it.

How am I going to eat it all???????!

I don't know, but I started tonight.