Chef's Salad

It sure is heating up, y'all.

Have you heard? I'll bet you have if you use your facebook account.

The high was 107 degrees today. 

I was not about to turn on my oven.

&I sure as shit was not going to get fast food.

I have c o m p e l l i n g reasons to avoid fast food joints.

It's not that I don't like fast food. Actually I love it!

It has:

-Unlimited diet coke. 

-Sauce packets galore.

-People to judge.

-Pro-sweatpants atmosphere.
-Even gambling!

Skinny bitches love a free McFlurry.

So can you guess why I don't go to fast food???

It's not because of the nutrition,
or the sanitation, 

or because I'm some kind of hip locavore.

I can't believe you even guessed that.

It aaaaaall stems from a traumatizing experience at a KFC one day, not too long ago......

After refilling my diet coke back to the tippy top, 

I began the return to my booth (do you take up a booth for four when you dine alone?? I do.)

but something interrupted my progress. A child.

A child who had fallen smack on his little child face.

I did not move to his aid. Child blood is tough to get out.

His mother was unhappy with my decision. 

In order to combat her shrill accusations of callousness I told her the following sentence:

"I, uh, I'm not supposed to interact with children because, well... you know. The law."

I implied that I was a convicted sex offender.

To an entire KFC.

So the mother wouldn't think I was a jerk.

Anyway, so, that's why I made a massive chef's salad today.

Because I'm too socially awkward for the colonel.

507 kcal, 47g carbs, 26g fat, 27g protein

Chef's Salad

Ingredients:::

• chopped romaine or red leaf lettuce
• spinach
• chopped red bell pepper
• sliced green onion
• sliced red onion
• 2 tablespoons granola
• 10-15 grapes
• 1 tablespoon shredded cheddar
• celery
• 3 oz honey glazed ham
• hard boiled egg
• 2 tablespoons dill vinaigrette dressing

 Make the above into a salad, dummy. (I do recommend trying granola in salads--it is a divine addition and worth all 60 extra calories!)

My  chef's salad  was pretty calorically heavy, mostly due to the type of ham & salad dressing I used. 

Easily lightened with a substition of sliced deli ham (or turkey, or even both) and a different dressing, perhaps just a drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette?