Ham Casserole

Feels good to be done with an ambitious week, y'all!

I had a lot to do this week.
The list was nigh overwhelming...

My alt life hairstyle required a new hat be purchased.

Pumpkin ales were filling the shelves faster than I could drink.

And my illustrious  presence was requested at a bachelorette party !

Visual approximation of me having fun at a bachelorette party.

Of course I got everything done.
I've always been ambitious.
....

Why, did you know in grade school I was an a c c e l e r a t e d  r e a d e r?

You got points. 

To read!

Finally, I was going to be the best at something!
I was going to win an award!

Move over, 9th place finisher ribbons from field day. I'm a real winner now.

I was driven y'all.

I was going to get that a c c e l e r a t e d  r e a d e r trophy.

(even if it was just a syrup bottle spray painted gold)

and my picture would be in the year book!

Finally, I wouldn't have to resort to pretending to be in clubs on picture day to get in!

anyway, long story short I started a test one time and was so determined to finish it, I pissed myself.

right there in the computer lab!

...

I still finished the test like a true accelerated reading champion.

And I got my picture in the yearbook too!

anyway, here's a recipe I made up for ham casserole that's pretty good, especially the biscuit part on top.

(post under construction)

Black Bean Burgers

It's been a busy month, y'all!

I turned 22!

Got myself a dog!

Hello, Ellis.

And moved to P e t e r  S t r e e t.

It's a pretty magical situation over here on  P e t e r  S t r e e t .

A strident song of obstreperous sound fills the night!
It's a mentally ill rapper and sirens, mostly.

And porch sitting is still a thing!

 Judgmental old women hollering at me not to bother their cats, mostly.

Well. 

I broke my new kitchen in good, folks.

I made.....

Meatloafs, succotash, curries,

and vegan fudge on baked oatmeal,

spicy Indian squash, carrot slaw, and muffins,

tuna casserole, even!

But what do I post first??!?

Black bean burgers served on homemade whole wheat toast.

Leave No Scone Unturned

Have a good weekend, y'all?

Mine was pretty fun.

I went k a y a k i n g with my mom! Or I would have.

We arrived at the river (mini wine bottles in tow) 

and were promptly assessed by the check-in girl...

You out of shape bitches are not about to kayak down this river.

The water was too low for kayaking!!!!! 

For the more "inexperienced" looking guests, anyway.

Oh, well.

At least I got to see my mom!

We have fun, but I don't always e n j o y her brand of humor...

Often, it involves setting a plastic cockroach next to her drink at a restaurant,

waiting for the waitstaff to notice (and freak out),

then grinning from ear to ear.

Pleased as punch.

To save myself any extra exasperation, I fixed up some Oatmeal Peach Scones for breakfast.

They make life so easy!
Because of their shape (flat), they can be frozen and quickly prepared for breakfast in your toaster.

Roasted Olives & Okra

Greetings, y'all!

I'm extraordinarily enthusiastic about holidays. (Usually.)
Even dumb ones!
I built hats in the shape of a 100 for the centenary day of elementary school. (Every single year.)
.....

Something about celebrating the arbitrary really gets me e n l i v e n e d.

But this year was different.

For Independence Day, I watched The Last of the Mohicans.

Or tried to.

And don't even get me started on International Kissing Day.
Spoiler alert: I didn't make any tongue sushi.

I'm not alone though.

Even my s u c c e s s f u l roommate has trouble sometimes!

Once a girl told him she wasn't looking for a relationship.

Only she forgot to erase a New Year's Resolution written on her mirror....

2012: Acquire Relationship

Another friend had better luck! At first anyway...

She made it all the way through the first date to second base.
& things were heating up!

But then the gentleman apologized:

"Pardon my arousal." 

So, that was that. They went to sleep!

Disappointment sucks, so imagine how ecstatic I was when my experiment in cooking worked out.

I made a really swell dish y'all.

Roasted olives & okra are a little salty, a little umami, and totally toothsome.

Another dish you can enjoy hot or cold, and they would be great as toothpick trio skewers if you're into appetizers.

I Need a Gauze Patch, Yo!

Hey, y'all!

I finally got back to work this month. (Hooray!)

My job requires no mental aptitude. Not one lick!

Can you guess what it is???

The job title is a real panty dropper at clubs.

Driving in circles for hours each day gives me a lot of time for thoughts.

I think about food, or anecdotes.

Sometimes I even think about important thoughts! 

Like how to end class warfare and which movies have the most Ellen Page.

But most of the time I f a n t a s i z e about kicking ass.

I foil terrorist plots waged against the transit system.

Snatch damsels in distress from the jaws of certain death. Mansels too!

.......

I might have a teeny tiny little hero complex.

You can't tell , though. I'm very timid in person.

The most dangerous thing I did all week was cut vegetables.

She's sustained a serious finger boo-boo, doc.

For my made-from scratch gazpacho soup. It was spicy & chilled & perfect.

Served for lunch with a chicken salad sandwich on a toasted onion bun.

Garnished with chopped green onions.

Chef's Salad

It sure is heating up, y'all.

Have you heard? I'll bet you have if you use your facebook account.

The high was 107 degrees today. 

I was not about to turn on my oven.

&I sure as shit was not going to get fast food.

I have c o m p e l l i n g reasons to avoid fast food joints.

It's not that I don't like fast food. Actually I love it!

It has:

-Unlimited diet coke. 

-Sauce packets galore.

-People to judge.

-Pro-sweatpants atmosphere.
-Even gambling!

Skinny bitches love a free McFlurry.

So can you guess why I don't go to fast food???

It's not because of the nutrition,
or the sanitation, 

or because I'm some kind of hip locavore.

I can't believe you even guessed that.

It aaaaaall stems from a traumatizing experience at a KFC one day, not too long ago......

After refilling my diet coke back to the tippy top, 

I began the return to my booth (do you take up a booth for four when you dine alone?? I do.)

but something interrupted my progress. A child.

A child who had fallen smack on his little child face.

I did not move to his aid. Child blood is tough to get out.

His mother was unhappy with my decision. 

In order to combat her shrill accusations of callousness I told her the following sentence:

"I, uh, I'm not supposed to interact with children because, well... you know. The law."

I implied that I was a convicted sex offender.

To an entire KFC.

So the mother wouldn't think I was a jerk.

Anyway, so, that's why I made a massive chef's salad today.

Because I'm too socially awkward for the colonel.

Filling up at the Quick Tip: Punkin

I have another tip, y'all.

Do you over-zealously purchase canned pumpkin each fall? I do.

In a frenzy, I clean stores out of their Libby's. 

I'm like those extreme couponing people.

(but without the coupons)

I'm over here paying $0.75 for canned vegetables like a goddamn chump.

Come next season, I inevitably have a pantry full of canned pumpkin.

& m a g i c a l  t h i n g s begin to happen.

[J. W. Sterling]

Pumpkin puree is perfect in summer, folks. Trust me. 

I have a ton of ideas for y'all to get all that d e l i c i o u s  n u t r i t i o u s canned pumpkin into your gullet.

Starting with a fantastic vegetable dip.

Always Reddy Stew

Recovering nicely, y'all?

Ugh.
I got a little roughed up this weekend. At  A t h f e s t.

The heat was not favorable. 

& the depressants in my bloodstream didn't help my energy level.

But don't worry y'all, 

Reptar pepped me right back up.

[thanks Blane]

That crowd was wild. 
My life was on the line Friday night, folks.
The gentleman behind me was raging hard trying to mosh. 
(It involved  punching people mostly.)
& I nearly got crushed by rogue crowd surfers!

I needed some protection. 
In the form of dance.

I planted my feet and pretended to run in place. For protection.
Arms swining madly, I bore a striking resemblance to a drunk Richard Simmons.

The dance kept me safe, but I finished out the night exhausted. And so did my wallet.

Uninterested in cooking, 

and unable to go shopping with my meager bank account, 

I set to work inventively using up the things from my pantry.

Baked pumpkin pie oatmeal topped with peanut butter & cold-brewed coffee.

Not Really Bruschetta

Good evening, y'all.

Are you going to A t h f e s t tonight?? 

Everyone will be there. I'll be there!

And aaaaall the townies,

 dressed to the nines in 

   homeless-chic.

Do you know how expensive it is to look this poor?

Ah,  A t h f e s t . The biggest party this town has to offer.

.....................................................Well.

Have you memorized your lines yet???

You gotta have something to say, baby.

All the hipsters are gonna wanna know what you thought of that new Reptar album. 

&isn't Atlas Sound just, like, so alluring and distinct these days?? M e l a n c h o l i c . . ..

I haven't settled on what to say.

Perhaps, "It was o k a y, but...

they missed their chance to do something surprising."

But I do know one thing for sure:

I'm sooo making breaded eggplant "bruschetta" again.

(Topped with garlic lemon "aioli".)

Fadulous Orange Oatmeal, Ossified

Beating the heat, y'all?

I've always been a sucker for f a d s. 

I lovingly cultivated a home for my lifeless pet rock.

Suffered scorn for my blinding orange crocs. 

(Until my mom, fearing they'd be caught in an escalator and I'd be maimed, banned crocs.)

I had a rainbow fanny pack emblazoned with my name!! 

An improvement over the goth phase.

Yes, my addiction to  f a d s  has deep roots y'all.

Aaaaall the way back to 1990. The year they closed the leaning tower of Pisa.

I'm not ashamed!

Food  f a d s  are alright, don't you think??

See also: cupcakes.

I noticed baked oatmeal popping up a while ago.

I was sold immediately. 
I was sold before I tried them. I became fiendishly addicted after I tried them.

Breakfast of the Year, All Years.

Extremely simple to make & customize, baked oatmeal  is just... awesome. It's like eating cake for breakfast, except good for you! 

Scoop some out every morning, top with nuts, drown it in milk, spread nut butter on it, or eat it warm, or cold, or with honey on top, and you're guaranteed to have a bangin' day.

The Lost City of Atlanta

How are things with y'all?

Remember my weekend spent in A t l a n t a visiting my parents? It was only yesterday.

A shining example for city planners everywhere.

By the time my two days were up, I felt like a real expert on A t l a n t a.
Thanks to the internet and my two days, I knew everything. 
I strutted around Piedmont Park, eyeing down groups of hipper-than-thou 20-somethings with gusto.
I made restaurant recommendations. 

I even gave a guy directions!

Just keep looking for Peachtree Street.

Folks, I was lost when I gave those directions. 

I sent a man and his child on a complete goose chase. 

I'm not sure why.

My overconfidence in my street smarts, aided by my overconfidence in my smartphone, leads to me getting lost a lot.

I come home, completely famished after wandering for hours.

In need of something quick.

I MacGyvered myself up a quick & relatively healthy pizza sandwich with deviled eggs.

Spicy & Sweet Potato Hash

Happy Father's Day, y'all!

Father's day is a tough time of year for me. Expectations are high when you've got two fathers.

Mine have everything. Two of everything. 

They forget about gift cards until they expire.

 Only eat v e g a n  f o o d.

Hmmmm. 

A real brain tickler, folks.

Perhaps I should skip the gifts this year? Perhaps just a visit. 

I could help them unpack from their recent move! We'd relax by the pool! Grill portobello burgers! 

It was a genius idea. Perfect!
So perfect, in fact, that all my siblings came up with the same plan. 

My dads live in a two-room condo in Midtown. With no furniture. 

What were you thinking young lady.

After a Saturday night in an unpacked and unfurnished condo with five other people, I longed for breakfast that did not need to be microwaved & eaten out of tupperware: Spicy & Sweet Potato Hash. 

Sriracha & honey make this hash taste much better than my poor photography skills can ever portray.

Somebody Call Pesto Corntrol!

Been doing any travelin' this summer, y'all?

Perhaps you've heard of the m e g a b u s?
Massive. Blue. Double-decked.

Filled to the brim with uncomfortable looking strangers ?

Just pretend like you're asleep.

I got well-acquainted with the m e g a b u s this summer.
Blinded by the prospect of cheap travel, I booked myself an 8$ round trip to Mobile, AL.

I was so proud of myself.

I was going to meet all kinds of worldly people riding the bus. 

We'd be friends forever!

The woman in the seat next to me was wearing thick purple socks over her shoes.

She was working on a journal entry titled "25 Ways to Kill Your Lover"

It was exhaustive.

Folks, I didn't make any friends on the m e g a b u s that day.

On the ride home, I sprawled across 2 seats.

Nobody sat next to me. I pretended to be asleep.

Dejected and alone, I was cheered by one thing:

I brought a baggie of Sunflower Pesto Corn Salad & ate it with a plastic Wendy's fork, 

no longer caring whether food accumulated upon my personage. Or in my teeth.